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Are Some Black Women Destined to Be Single?

Are Some Black Women Destined to Be Single?


I know. I am sorry for asking, but statistically speaking, it is a valid question to consider. According to a 2008 survey conducted by United States Census Bureau, an African-American females armed with a college degree outnumber similarly educated Black males 3:1. A depressing ratio indeed, suggesting that only 3 out of 10 single professional Black women have a reasonable chance of mating with their match. Given the 'marriage gradient': the concept that societal norms dictate that most women desire mates of equal or higher social status, many Black women share a similar view, but feel they face a limited pool of qualified applicants. So the question remains, are some Black women destined to be single? I believe the answer is emphatically, "Yes." Frankly, the Black community and family have been decimated by negative stereotypes, mostly stemming from slavery and socioeconomic depression. The historic document, "The Willie Lynch Letter" makes numerous controversial references in how the Black Family could be destroyed from within and for future generations by pitting Black men against Black women. It seems the implementation of those negative social stigmas was successful as they reign supreme in 2010. Black women are thought to prefer a mate that surpasses them physically, intellectually, and in this recession, financially. Black men are considered open to the idea of interracial marriages and relationships due to preconceived notions about Black women, mislabeling them as mean, argumentative, or too domineering. Moreover, Black men are thought to be too sexual, too lazy, and disloyal to eligible African-American women. Assuming we all believe what mass media sells to the Black community, it should be no surprise that a single, Black Woman, raises the majority of African-American families. According to the United States Census, nearly a single, Black woman leads 60% of U.S. African-American families. When someone considers the fact that she ranks nationally on the lowest rung of the American socioeconomic ladder, with roughly 50% of those Black women living at or below poverty level, it may seem reasonable to expect hopelessness and frustration from Black women. "The fact is that Black men have not been responsible. Many are incarcerated, marginalized from society, which leads to limited career opportunities when attempting to assimilate into a competitive, civilian society, _says Michael James, an accomplished Black educator in Roanoke, VA. It seems the only option left, an option that many Black women hesitate to consider, is interracial dating. The 2006 movie, 'Something New, ' starring actress, Sanaa Lathan, who portrays an African-American woman confronted with 'Jungle Fever, ' portrayed this new phenomenon with passion. Ultimately, 'Something New' may become 'Something Old' once Black women realize that 73% of interracial marriages are between Black men and White women (2000 United States Census). Most Black men that I have talked with suggested that Black Women might set their expectations too high. "If a brotha isn't ballin', or a famous athlete, or a rich rapper, sistahs aren't looking for you. The women out here are only concerned what a man can do for her financially for the most part. She's in it for the money, " says Kenny Raines of Los Angeles, CA. Kenny might have a point. What woman would not want a man who could offer a little prestige, some power, and plenty of property? The mainstream movies all suggest a great catch loves kids, is super romantic, and can communicate effectively. He is tall, dark, and handsome. And when we think tall, it means at least 3 inches taller. A girl has got to wear heals, right? After all, it is more important how you both look as a couple than how a man treats her personally (Chris Brown anybody). I digress, but what I must mention is the fact that those media-endorsed qualities to select a mate are supremely superficial. I suppose meeting your intellectual match might have some bearing. It could be mentally stimulating to discuss the news of the day with your partner, but eventually, it might get boring and you will both be looking for new ways to spice things up. As far as finances are concerned, that could make sense on paper, but to consider it a premiere criterion for a successful marriage, I think not. The unfortunate fact is that most American marriages end in divorce, and those that do, did so arguing over three subjects: sex, money, and rearing children. Now I com completely understand that marriage calls for both parties to pool their resources and make a conscious attempt at achieving their version of the American Dream: a big house, two nice cars, and approximately three kids. However, the criteria often used to assess the desirability of a man are focused principally on material wealth. Unfortunately, amount of worldly acclaim and fame can suggest high marital satisfaction. We are all too familiar with the claims of infidelity experienced by celebrity wives suffered at the hands of an arguably, successful and powerful men: Kobe, Tiger, and Lil_ Wayne just to name a few. Instead, I urge those desirable, single, Black educated women that want to marry a Black man to reconsider their list of priorities when choosing their mate. The fact is there are plenty of good Black men that are capable, and interested, in building lifelong marriages with Black women. Chances are, he is older, and has had a chance to build a firm financial foundation. If you prefer a younger man, I would consider those _closet nerds._ You know the type; he is probably sitting next to you in the library, studying and staying on his grind like you. I am not saying you have to go out with him, but at least make friends. Once he realizes that the numbers are in his favor, he will get the game, and you want to make sure you catch him on his way up, before graduation. Finally, a good church-going brotha is your next best option. He may not be model material, nor will he drive the hottest car, or wear the most fashionable gear. However, he will likely treat you like the queen you are, supporting you during the 'quiet times' in life, when your make-up is off; and all facades are removed, being 'naked' with you_metaphorically speaking. Now many Black women may disagree with the idea of adjusting or _lowering_ those worldly expectations. Yet, in time, you may end up disappointed if choose to wait beyond your ideal childbearing age. It will be up to you, those Black women consumed by material things, to focus on innate qualities within a man, rather than what he can produce externally or economically for your benefit.
Black Blogopolis was created to provide invaluable insight and information to the African-American community. We do so in the effort to uplift and educate black youth and accomplished adults for the benefit of future generations. Black Blogopolis serves as a forum where anyone, regardless of race, can contribute their opinion and commentary about world news and events, but more specifically, stories that profoundly affect the black community. Black Blogopolis is an internet neighborhood where African-Americans from all walks of life can meet, expand their world view, and develop a passion for persuasion. Ultimately, Black Blogopolis is homebase for socially conscious African-American men and women.

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